Catch-all: Lucretia

[ercnerd]

Comments

[ambiography]

-Sieghart.

[she lets him pull back, but she's watching him with a slight furrow in her brow.]

I do appreciate that, but-- of course I see you as a person.

[ercnerd]

[He pauses. His smile falters, but quickly regains its vigor.]

Of course. Even though I'm a Highlander, I'm still human.

[ambiography]

[just-- watching him for a moment, before she says, quietly:]

But you don't think of yourself as one.

[ercnerd]

[His thought sounds, but it has the muted quality of a recollection wherein someone else spoke: "Humans are an insignificant existence—and you are lower than them. How does a half-baked immortal monster like you still call yourself a human?"

Sieghart doesn't look terribly bothered.]

Hahaha. I thought that, but it's not me who has that problem.

[ambiography]

You're sure?

[I heard it just a minute ago, Sieghart... is her quiet thought at that.]

[ercnerd]

Don't worry.

I still think of myself as a human. I just also happen to think otherwise, is all.

[ambiography]

You know, I think that still counts.

But-- why would you?

[she could make a guess or two, but... she'd prefer to let him answer.]

[ercnerd]

. . . You already know why.

[ambiography]

[don't smile while saying that! god!!]

...I thought that might be the case, but-- Sieghart, you aren't.

[ercnerd]

[Fine, he won't.]

I was meant to die centuries ago. I stole their future when they gave me one by saving my life . . . What else can I be?

[ambiography]

Someone who made mistakes. Who has regrets. That's-- one of the most human things that there is, Sieghart.

[ercnerd]

No . . .

[She's correct, but he can't accept that it's so black and white.

That would mean that their deaths were—]

I don't believe in legends or destiny.

[ambiography]

Then don't. Legends and destiny don't dictate your own humanity.

I've seen the kind of person you can be, and you've given me your regrets-- I can't agree with you. I'm not going to. You aren't monstrous.

[ercnerd]

. . . Mortals are tied to destiny. That's why I . . .

[If I accept that I'm just human, it means that I was born to kill them.

He can't believe it. He refuses to believe it. It's better to believe that he was meant to die all those years ago and that his kind saviors put him on borrowed time, because then it would just be the fault of his foolish mistake and not some sick cosmic death sentence.]

[ambiography]

Even the gods of fate don't always know how things will turn out until they happen. It doesn't mean that was what you were born for-- or that it was the only thing you were born for.

[a slight pause, here.]

There are-- so many ways for things to go wrong in the world. So many small things that could go just that little bit differently. And there's more to your life than that one point in time, Sieghart. There's your time here, and the good that you've tried to do in this place-- there's anything good you've ever tried to do with your skills and with the time you've been given.

[and she just reaches up, rests a hand against the side of his face once more-- she's not leaning in this time, though. it's just a gesture, her eyes meeting his.]

That doesn't have to define you.

[ercnerd]

[The tension holding his arms unravel at her touch, and they unwind to lay his hands on his lap. His eyes meet hers briefly, but they, too, fall despondently.]

They could've done more . . . They could've done better than I ever did.

[There were so many of them. All of them were unbelievably kind. Their only wish was to continue protecting the world after they'd lost their country . . .

If there are truly so many ways for things to go wrong, if a small difference is all it takes to change the course, if I could turn back time, I'd save them even if it meant I'd die.]

[ambiography]

...I know. Believe me, I can understand. But we just-- we just don't get to do it that way, time is... something that we don't get to change, no matter how much we want to.

[That power just isn't worth it. You can't.]

There were kind people in the worlds that we couldn't save, too. There are things that existed nowhere else in the universe, that all fell victim to the Hunger's advance. We've both seen-- devastating losses, and, frankly, some... pretty horrifying shit.

But you're still the kind of person who promised me you would help look after the others. Who's tried to help fix this and help all of us get home. Sieghart, I think you've done a pretty damn good job, from what I've seen.

[ercnerd]

[I wanted to change it. I was sure that I could, as long as I had the Klara Libri. But that was just wishful thinking. Mari . . .

It wouldn't have been worth it. Not for the price it would have cost.

So he let go. And he lets go of it again, for what's done is done. No amount of what-ifs will bring his brothers back. All he can do now is live and pay for his actions, and ensure that he protects what and whom he can in their stead.

His face is young and vibrant. There isn't a trace of exhaustion to be found there. The only sign of weariness is in the slack set of his shoulders as he returns to the moment.]

. . . I don't want anyone to be trapped here. I won't stop until this is all over, so don't worry.

[ambiography]

[If I could change something for you, I would. You deserve the kind of life that you want to live.

she can save her world herself. she's going to. but if she could improve someone else's life, it would be his. maybe hugo's.]

I know you won't, and neither will I. We can work with each other for that again, now, there's still-- there's some time left.

[I'd spend what I could of it with you, if you wanted the same.]

[ercnerd]

[A faint blush dusts his cheeks. His fingers twitch, curling slightly into his palms, and he doesn't meet her eyes out of shyness. He wonders if she meant for him to hear those silent words, kind and then hopeful, but he knows them to be her sincere desires.

This isn't over yet. There's still a week.]

. . . This time, I'll stay.

[This time, I won't leave you to bear the weight alone.]

[ambiography]

[-oh. well, the blush makes it clear that some of that leaked out, but... that's all right. she smiles in return, warm, fond.]

... I worked on my own for a long time, right up until fairly recently. What you offered me, before you were killed-- it made this place less lonely.

[he offered her someone to rely on, on a more equal level, when she was so busy trying to make sure others stayed safe. when there were so few people she could ask that of. and-- what a pair they make, honestly. him with his immortality, his youth despite his age, and her with the lines in her face that shouldn't have been there yet, her lost time. both of their experiences with loss and with deaths that aren't the end.]

Stay here a while, Sieghart.

[this time, she does lean in to kiss him again, gently.]

[ercnerd]

[Some part of him trembles inwardly at the kiss, overcome by the sweet emotions of acceptance and affection he's put aside for centuries. The tenderness of the gesture hushes his thoughts, and he ever slightly bows his head after she withdraws.

It does little to conceal the rosiness that spreads throughout his face.]

Y-yeah . . .

[ambiography]

[her expression softens a little further, at that reaction, and when she speaks again-- there's just a hint of amusement there.]

You won't faint if I say I'd like you to stay for the night, will you?

[ercnerd]

[No, he takes a moment to simmer before snapping his head up—except he doesn't look at Lucretia, but off to her side.]

I'm too used to the nap room from the daycare. I won't be able to stretch like I did there if I go back to the bunks.

[ambiography]

Well, luckily for you, there's plenty of space in the bed.

[it's queen-size, there's enough to share without ending his life.]