Catch-all: Rita

[ercnerd]

Comments

[overlimit]

What do I look like, a housemaid?

[ercnerd]

Nah. You don't look anything like a housemaid. You don't act like one, either.

[overlimit]

Obviously.

[ercnerd]

[He reaches for the wood with his good hand. Then he looks at the two condoms wrapped around his bad arm.]

Guess I'll use these in the interim.

[overlimit]

[she kicks the couch he's on]

We've got enough for two splints, you know, I could always break your other wrist!

[but then she'll stomp upstairs

and come back

and throw a towel on his face]

[ercnerd]

Oh!

[Aw, she cares. He pulls the towel out of his face with another grin.]

You know, it wouldn't hurt to show your elders a little more respect.

[overlimit]

I show them all the respect they deserve.

[she'll go and sit down on a nearby chair, pulling her feet up to sit cross-legged]

How the hell are you 600 years old, by the way?

[ercnerd]

[While she does that, he sets out to undo his hard work up to this point.]

How else? I'm immortal. This body of mine doesn't age.

[overlimit]

Well, yeah, but how'd you get that way? Were you always immortal?

[she just takes out her phone and starts looking at stuff on it mid-conversation like the disrespectful teenager she is.]

[ercnerd]

[Kids these days . . . ]

. . . No. I was born a mortal. Unfortunately, I don't have a very clear recollection of the day I became immortal.

[overlimit]

Why? Because it was 600 years ago?

[like, seems like you'd forget some things in that much time.]

[ercnerd]

My memory is better than you think. I was barely conscious when it happened, is all. I wouldn't be able to explain it to you, even if I wanted to.

[overlimit]

Hmm... so it's just that particular moment you don't remember that well?

[okay, she's looking up to kind of study him with a long look...]

Do you at least know, say... why or how it happened?

[ercnerd]

[By now, he's gotten one condom off. He's about to pick at the second when he pauses, staring down at his arm.]

I was dying. The procedure to grant immortality was conducted in order to save my life.

[overlimit]

That's... a hell of a save. I guess somebody out there really liked you?

[ercnerd]

[His lips stretch into a wider smile as he resumes picking at the condom.]

Of course. I was already a legend by then. Everyone knew of and loved me!

[overlimit]

Wow!


That's the most unbelievable part of the story so far!

[ercnerd]

It's hard for most people to believe that they're in the presence of the man himself.

[overlimit]

[...

rita's looking at her phone again]

So what's involved in immortality? You just get to live forever, and that's it? Or is there a drawback?

[ercnerd]

[Kids these days!

Off goes the second condom. The chopsticks spring away from his arm; one drops onto his lap and the other, onto the floor.]

The drawback is the same as the advantage. I don't age, and I can't die. That's it.

[overlimit]

That's a drawback?

[ercnerd]

It is for some.

But immortality isn't that big of a deal. There are ways to reverse it. If it were active now, I'd already be bearing weight on both legs.

[overlimit]

Too bad. Now you're just a loser mortal like the rest of us.

[looks like he's about ready to put the new splint on, so]

Need a hand with that?

[ercnerd]

[He turns his gloved arm around, inspecting it, before holding it out toward Rita.]

Would you?

[overlimit]

Yeah, all right. [she gets up and goes over to help.]

I don't know how much longer I can stand watching a feeble old man struggle by himself.