Catch-all: Rita

[ercnerd]

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Week 1: Saturday

[ercnerd]

[This couch is his new bed. And, on that bed, he fixes the splint on his wrist by shimmying newly torn condoms down his gloved arm.

Does he know that Rita minds it? Possibly. But he will not stop as long as his wrist is a wreck.]

[overlimit]

[the peaceful silence of the room is abruptly shattered by the clatter of wood on the coffee table beside him. it's some handy splint-sized wood! looks like some thin branches were neatly trimmed down so they can be used! wow. it's a little more than they need, but this group will probably need more splints in the future.]

Take this, and we can tie it with a towel or a scarf or something. Ugh.

[ercnerd]

[Wow. He pauses in the middle of pulling a second condom down his arm to eye the wooden splint, then grins at Rita.]

Oh, not bad. You wouldn't happen to have a towel, would you?

[overlimit]

What do I look like, a housemaid?

[ercnerd]

Nah. You don't look anything like a housemaid. You don't act like one, either.

[overlimit]

Obviously.

[ercnerd]

[He reaches for the wood with his good hand. Then he looks at the two condoms wrapped around his bad arm.]

Guess I'll use these in the interim.

[overlimit]

[she kicks the couch he's on]

We've got enough for two splints, you know, I could always break your other wrist!

[but then she'll stomp upstairs

and come back

and throw a towel on his face]

[ercnerd]

Oh!

[Aw, she cares. He pulls the towel out of his face with another grin.]

You know, it wouldn't hurt to show your elders a little more respect.

[overlimit]

I show them all the respect they deserve.

[she'll go and sit down on a nearby chair, pulling her feet up to sit cross-legged]

How the hell are you 600 years old, by the way?

[ercnerd]

[While she does that, he sets out to undo his hard work up to this point.]

How else? I'm immortal. This body of mine doesn't age.

[overlimit]

Well, yeah, but how'd you get that way? Were you always immortal?

[she just takes out her phone and starts looking at stuff on it mid-conversation like the disrespectful teenager she is.]

[ercnerd]

[Kids these days . . . ]

. . . No. I was born a mortal. Unfortunately, I don't have a very clear recollection of the day I became immortal.

[overlimit]

Why? Because it was 600 years ago?

[like, seems like you'd forget some things in that much time.]

[ercnerd]

My memory is better than you think. I was barely conscious when it happened, is all. I wouldn't be able to explain it to you, even if I wanted to.

[overlimit]

Hmm... so it's just that particular moment you don't remember that well?

[okay, she's looking up to kind of study him with a long look...]

Do you at least know, say... why or how it happened?

[ercnerd]

[By now, he's gotten one condom off. He's about to pick at the second when he pauses, staring down at his arm.]

I was dying. The procedure to grant immortality was conducted in order to save my life.

[overlimit]

That's... a hell of a save. I guess somebody out there really liked you?

[ercnerd]

[His lips stretch into a wider smile as he resumes picking at the condom.]

Of course. I was already a legend by then. Everyone knew of and loved me!

[overlimit]

Wow!


That's the most unbelievable part of the story so far!

[ercnerd]

It's hard for most people to believe that they're in the presence of the man himself.

[overlimit]

[...

rita's looking at her phone again]

So what's involved in immortality? You just get to live forever, and that's it? Or is there a drawback?

[ercnerd]

[Kids these days!

Off goes the second condom. The chopsticks spring away from his arm; one drops onto his lap and the other, onto the floor.]

The drawback is the same as the advantage. I don't age, and I can't die. That's it.

[overlimit]

That's a drawback?

[ercnerd]

It is for some.

But immortality isn't that big of a deal. There are ways to reverse it. If it were active now, I'd already be bearing weight on both legs.